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Sister: Mom wants you to come in and fix dinner.
Brother: Why, is it broken?
Brother: Why, is it broken?
Client: Doctor, how much would you charge to do plastic surgery on my nose?
Doctor: A thousand dollars.
Client: Anything cheaper?
Doctor: You could try walking in to a lamppost.
Doctor: A thousand dollars.
Client: Anything cheaper?
Doctor: You could try walking in to a lamppost.
Patient: Doctor, can you help me? It's my hearing. I can't even hear myself cough.
Doctor: Have this prescription filled.
Patient: Will it improve my hearing?
Doctor: No, but it will help you cough better.
Doctor: Have this prescription filled.
Patient: Will it improve my hearing?
Doctor: No, but it will help you cough better.
Boss: What do you mean you were a big gun in industry?
Job Applicant: I've been fired a dozen times.
Job Applicant: I've been fired a dozen times.
First Burglar: I think I need glasses.
Second Burglar: What makes you think so?
First Burglar: On my last job I started to turn the knobs on the safe and the stereo began to play.
Second Burglar: What makes you think so?
First Burglar: On my last job I started to turn the knobs on the safe and the stereo began to play.
"My brother is so dumb"
"How dumb is he?"
"He got a pair of water skis for his birthday. Now he's looking for a lake with a hill in it!"
"How dumb is he?"
"He got a pair of water skis for his birthday. Now he's looking for a lake with a hill in it!"
BREAKING NEWS: 'A supermarket was robbed last night of 30 sacks of carrots and a bushel of garlic. Police are on the look-out for rabbits with bad breath.'
Appliance Store Clerk: May I interest you in a new freezer?
Lady: No, I can't afford it.
Clerk: It will pay for itself in no time.
Lady: Okay, as soon as it does, send it over.
Lady: No, I can't afford it.
Clerk: It will pay for itself in no time.
Lady: Okay, as soon as it does, send it over.
Cop: You were going seventy miles per hour.
Speeder: I was only following the signs.
Cop: That's the number of the highway.
Speeder: It is? I'm glad you didn't stop me on I-95.
Speeder: I was only following the signs.
Cop: That's the number of the highway.
Speeder: It is? I'm glad you didn't stop me on I-95.
Young Lady: I wouldn't marry you even if you were the last person on earth.
Young Man: If I were, you wouldn't be here.
Young Man: If I were, you wouldn't be here.
Young Man: Miss, would you go out with me tonight?
Young Lady: I don't go out with perfect strangers.
Young Man: I never said I was perfect.
Young Lady: I don't go out with perfect strangers.
Young Man: I never said I was perfect.
"When I was a child my nurse dropped me a lot."
"What did your mother do?"
"She got me a shorter nurse."
"What did your mother do?"
"She got me a shorter nurse."